It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
