Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
