He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All the doctor said was why
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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