I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
