So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
