I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
