can we get nightvision for the apartment?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
