I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
