He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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