fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize