Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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