Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
