Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
