i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
do herpes really smell.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
