Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Found the puke drawer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
