just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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