There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
