The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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