glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
