One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
