The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
