My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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