Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
