I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
