Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Of course I have a pirate flag
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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