Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
