People in love make me want to vomit
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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