I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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