i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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