i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
