I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
