my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
