her vagine was all disorganized.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
