The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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