Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
