HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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