So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
