lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
