i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
