weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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