Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
