The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
