I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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