ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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