i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
