she looked like the before picture.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
