hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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