i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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