Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
