she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
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I just found a bag of teeth...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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