Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
