There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
