3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
