obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
