After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
