Can Purell be used as lube?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
