When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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