oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found the puke drawer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
