yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize