I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
