This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
