i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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