I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
