No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
