shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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