Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
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i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
