please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This house was built for laser tag.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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