i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
