I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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