I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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