i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
