cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
