So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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