She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
