there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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